March 26, 2012   

Ouch!   Started my small dose amount of Methadone this morning and it’s not working quite as well as I would like. Ouch, ouch ouch.  It’s about six hours later and I’m adding ibuprofen and tramdol (Dr. said I could take tramadol for break through pain) to the mix.  I think the ibuprofen is really the one that helps the bone pain.  If that is what it is.   Good thing is I see Dr Monies (the palliative care doctor) for a follow up check tomorrow to see how this medication regimen is going so he can tweak and change things up for me.  

I saw a blurb on the news this morning – the story about redheads having more pain reaction than people with other hair colors.  I can attest to that. That information came out first a year or two ago.  I learned from going to the dentist and the dermatologists, they always had to give me extra lidacain for instance.   Whenever the dermatologist had to numb something up for me she had to use a lot of lidacain before doing any cutting.  And then I could still feel the little pin pricks of the needle going into my skin when she was stitching me up! Weird feeling.  Just a little pin prick so I never asked for more lidacain for that part. 

*Okay it’s a couple hours later and I think the added meds did the trick, the ouch is subdued. 

When I realized I was going to need to move here to Oregon from Truckee I made the decision to give away as much of my stuff as I could.  For one thing, get rid of the need to cart it all to another space.  For another working off of the stories I’ve heard about other cultures that feel it is imperative to give away your belongings before you die so that you don’t have things attaching you to this life.  Makes sense to me.  It has worked out quite well,  I don’t have too much stuff to deal with here.  Now I find myself being not being so careful about buying new stuff though!  Oh well, it’s only stuff.

Years ago when I was in my 20’s I had been putting together a Christmas stocking for a guy I was just head over heals infatuated with.  Adding just little things to the stocking that I knew he would like.  Such as old antique toy cars from the antique store.  He collected patches too and I had a patch that I loved and was very proud of even though I don’t remember where I got it.  It was sign language symbol of “I love you” with a hand displaying the thumb, index and little fingers on a pink heart background.  I wanted to keep that patch and thought long and hard about parting with it.  Until finally I came to the realization that just having thought about giving it away, I would never be comfortable with it again until I did give it away.   My life has always been that way.  If you want it, it’s yours.